The One-Night Stand Handbook

By: Leo_72

1. CLEAN YOUR HOUSE. Leave your house in order before you head out the door as a leap of faith. There is nothing sexy about lying down on an unmade bed or over your dirty laundry. When a lady comes to your place and finds it in order, she’ll see that you’ve got it together and that is sexy.

2. BYOC. I used to believe that going out with condoms in my pocket was bad luck. Now I think that not bringing them shows a lack of self-esteem. Having to enter a bodega to buy some en route to her place or yours is not only a turnoff, but could also put your fate in the hands of unknown, accident-prone brands. So buy early, buy often.

3. AVOID THE FRIEND ZONE. Once the courtship begins, don’t forget to make it clear that you don’t want another female friend. Compliment her, let her know what you like about her, make sure she knows that you are turned on by her beauty.

4. FLIRTING IS FUN. The mating ritual that comes right after (figuratively) sniffing each others’ butts is my favorite, probably hers as well: the smile, the accidental touch on her arm, that little electric shock, the touch of ears with lips when the music is “too loud” at the bar. You can never have too much fun in this part of the process. Enjoy it, but, hey, don’t forget that timing is of the essence here.

5. DARK IS GOOD. Don’t try to make your first move surrounded by the eyes of people either of you know.  You have more of a chance getting your foot in the door if there’s no one looking and she doesn’t have to explain anything to anybody.

6. WATCH THE DRINKS. Those last two shots may eventually mean bad choices, malfunction, poor performance and a lack of common sense. If you are committed to closing this deal, you need to find a balance between being on your toes and being loose enough. So repeat after me: ask for a glass of water in between drinks.

7. FIND HER “BUTTONS.” When you are in business with someone, it’s imperative to get to know your partner. Spend some time finding out her sensitive points, how she likes to be touched, how and where she likes to be kissed the most. In short, look for her best “buttons.”  You can find those erogenous points without asking. Do your best to take her where she wants to go before even thinking of getting there yourself. A one-night stand should be a win-win situation.

8. HAVE FUN (DUH). Don’t overstress. Don’t bring up any ex’s in bed (double duh). Don’t do anything awkward. Enjoy the ride!

9. SPEND THE NIGHT. There’s nothing wrong with spending the night if you guys had fun together. Wake up before your alarm goes off, have some coffee, express your gratitude, take her out for breakfast if you really like her. Or do the gentlemanly thing if you think she’d rather be alone: throw a polite excuse, hug her, kiss her one more time and head back into the world.

Leo_72 is a DJ and lives in Brooklyn. He can be found in dating sites under a slightly different nickname.